DEEP THOUGHTS with AMANDA WAGNER.

Coming down from the emotional high's of this past weekend and the weddings we shot has been a learning experience for me.

It was Friday night around 9pm and I was standing on exhausted feet capturing Emily and Wes' guests as they delivered heartfelt speeches to the reception room. One-by-one each parent and member of the bridal party recounted memories and funny stories involving the couple. Every person spoke of the genuine qualities these two possess. Honest, loyal, hardworking, caring, loving, generous... as the list went on and on I felt myself tear up. It was true. Separate and together these two are the real deal. Emily DOES see the best in everyone, and she DOES go out of her way to show someone how much they mean to her. Wes IS as straight up and honest as a man can be, and he IS the person who will have your back at 4am when you need him. By the time the bride and groom took to the podium to cap the evening's toasts, I was rethinking my career choice. Seriously.

Choked up, I began to ask myself how I can possibly do this job. How can I meet such incredible people, communicate with them for over a year, start to bond with them and then, after their wedding, just watch them disappear from my life? I started thinking: I am too weak for this. I attach to people far too easily and maybe it would be easier on everyone If I just shot flowers and rural landscapes for a living. I was ready to pack it in and re-evaluate my approach to photography... when Wes called me out. He told his guests of our first meeting, and how his initial reaction to Sean and I was less than elated. He was unsure of our fit for his day but knew Emily was at the point of no return and had already bonded with me. He was stuck with us. He then admitted somewhere along the way I had won him over and made him feel completely comfortable. Maybe it was my photographic approach, maybe it was my laid back shooting style or maybe it was the Dumb and Dumber lines we tossed back and forth, I'll never know. But in that moment I realized that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I realized all of the warm and fuzzies scaring me away from wedding photography was precisely what attracts me to it.

The following day, as Sean and I headed north to shoot another fabulous wedding, I refocused and gave myself a pep talk (and by the way it is really hard to have a one-man-huddle). I consciously decided to embrace all of the emotional attachments I would feel for this couple at their intimate affair. My hope is that my photos will be all the better for it. I love what I do, even though the letting go part is hard.

Whew. Enough with the serious talk already! I'll end this post with on a lighthearted note. Wes and Emily surprised me with this token of their gratitude and friendship on their wedding day. Anyone who knows me, is aware of my ridiculous love for Jim Carrey. I can't help it. I just want to be his friend. It's really not that much to ask. Thankfully, Wes is a huge Dumb and Dumber fan as well and graciously passed on to me his 3x4 foot movie poster. Mint Condishhhhhhhh. Ugh. Love him. I think I will hang it in my home office. Aside from a reminder to take life less seriously... I will remember the lesson I learned standing in the dark at the wedding of two amazing human beings.

Happy holiday Monday all.